I never thought I would recover from his death, leaving his bed and food bowls out for over a month after he died because I could not bear to see them gone from where he ate and slept everyday. He would die in my arms after a week of severe seizures.
|My Josie ~ the love of my life|
She was like my child and went with us wherever we went. She only spent two visits in a kennel because I could not bear to leave her there. I would make husband take her after the first visit because I could not stand watching her as she tried to escape the vet's office and the way her pleading eyes would look back at me when they dragged her to the kennel (and drag they did). The two times I did leave her, when I went to pick her up the vet would tell me she was such a happy and cheerful dog who greeted them every morning. They would say they never had any problems with her...they loved her as much as I did.
At that time, we lived about 5 hours from our hometown and when we went to visit or if I had to go to help out with my husband's parents or mine she always went with me and would jump into the floorboard with her head under the seat. She hated to sit on the seat of the car because it scared her so she was content in her small space behind my seat on her comfy blanket, head tucked under the seat.
She lived to be 12 years old. True to what I have been told, you can never tell how sick a dog is until they refuse to eat. That is when I noticed something was wrong. Her appetite decreased and she developed a horrible cough. When we took her to the vet, he said she had a spot on her lung and gave her two rounds of antibiotics which helped but never completely took her cough away. This went on for about a year until one day she quit following me around and just lay on the floor. She struggled to get up, and quit jumping upon our bed. Her cough had worsened and the medicine (steroids) wasn't helping. In the end she would go to the vet for more tests because I knew she was getting worse. When husband went to pick her up the vet said she had gone into respiratory distress and if we took her home she would more than likely die before the night was over. So, husband called me from the vet told me the news and came to pick me up to take me back to see her and talk with the vet about what we would do next.
What she did next amazed me. Upon seeing me she tried with all her might to get off the table to get to me, something she hadn't done for sometime. I went to her and held her and knew immediately that she was dying. She labored to breathe and could barely catch her breath but even as she labored to breathe, she looked up at me and smiled her sweet little smile. I couldn't stand it any longer and agreed with our vet that we would put her to sleep. I did not want her to suffer any longer. So, again my dog died in my arms. I was devastated and once again found myself in grief. That was 3 years ago and even now, I grieve for her and my heart feels heavy with sadness. You know, you keep expecting them to hop upon your bed or to follow you like before.
|She Rules...This was her sofa and did not want to share with me!!!|
|Where she always waited for us when we were gone.|
Several of my blog friends have recently lost their pets and each time I hear of a pet loss, it brings me back to the two I've lost, the unconditional love they gave me, their faithfulness and the joy they gave me while they were with me. It never gets easier and I suppose there are those of you who after experiencing losing your pet would shut yourself off from having another one. But for me, I want another and even if I have to go through watching them leave me all over again I'll still feel like nothing compares to having the love of a dog or any animal.
To all of you who have lost a beloved pet, one of our fuzzy friends my heart goes out to you and if I could say or do anything to ease the sadness that you are feeling I would. All I can offer is the voice of someone who has been there. I can tell you that it does get easier, that one day you will be able to think about them without crying, that you will be able to remember them for the love and joy they brought to you, and that your heart will smile and sing again in remembrance of the gifts they brought to you.